Today, I woke up tired. A few mortars were launched into the Golan from Syria last night and we had a short visit to the bomb shelter. It was really uneventful; a good time in comparison with what’s happening a few hours south of here. It feels self-indulgent to even mention it in the face of what folks are dealing with elsewhere. My Rabbi says: “words that come from the heart enter the heart.” It is with that intention that I share with you now.
Some stretches of time are just scary.
Whether it’s a live, palpable threat with earth-shaking booms and gunshots, or a trick of the mind spinning its wheel of misfortune …scared is scared. Even paper tigers can bite.
That’s why I find myself in the dark, after 1:00 a.m. on the couch in my living room, typing away at this screen, trying to talk myself down from a trip to a bad area in my mind; using my breath to try and push away the imaginary shadows lurking outside my window.
Everyone else went back to sleep. As heavy as my eyes feel, they are wide open.
Check that all the windows are shut, blinds are closed, doors locked. Double-check we have what we need in the bomb shelter. We’re okay, we’re safe. You’re okay, you’re safe. Shhhhhh.
Sleep mama, sleep.
I woke up with the memory of a dream I had the night before. We had a thick, clear plastic cover over the top of our outdoor porch – our sukkah- to shelter us from the rain.
That’s the whole dream.
It was a really good one.
The largeness of the reality our country is in – combined with uncertainty about what is to come can be downright overwhelming – it’s really more than I can process in a single sitting. For me, I can only feel the weight of this war in waves.
I am very careful about the information I allow in.
I stay busy.
What can I tell you friends? It’s day 5. I’m tired. I’d like to take a break from all the doing and the reading, checking, calling, responding, and deciding. The worry, the sadness, the awareness – tired of visualizing good on top of information that is just plain bad. I’d like to think about something else for a stretch of time. I’d like to take a nap. (I will, I really will).
In other news, my oldest daughter and I, along with the local emergency medical professionals in our area are working on launching an emergency medical “field hospital” for our area (the southern Golan). Hope for the best, prepare for the worst – is the motto of this endeavor. Currently, we have a fair amount of medical manpower, but along with the rest of the country, we are low in supplies and short on hands to help organize and execute.
It so happens that Batya and I are both good with organizing and executing – this is where we are putting our focus for now. I will keep you posted as we progress.
That’s my news for now.
Sending love to you all and much gratitude for your support and warm wishes. I promise you it lifts our spirits. It really, really does.